It's Humor, it must be Hump day

Leash: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your mom and dad where you want him/her to go.

Dog Bed: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

Drool: What you do when your mom and dad have food and you don't. To do this properly, you must sit as close as you can, look sad and let the drool fall to the floor. Or better yet, on their laps.

Sniff: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply. Repeat several times or until your person makes you stop.

Garbage Can: A container where mom and dad put food they don't want to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

Bicycles: Two-wheeled exercise machines invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person then swerves and falls into the bushes and you prance away.

Deafness: This is an affliction which affects dogs when their mom or dad want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction or lying down.

Thunder: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Mom and dad remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly and following their every move.

Wastebasket: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your mom and dad come home.

Sofas: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating, it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

Bath: This is a process by which mom and dad drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

Lean: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!" Especially if your mom and dad are dressed for an evening out. This is incredibly effective before black tie events.

Bump: The best way to get your mom and dad's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

Goose bump: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular bump doesn't get the attention you require. Especially effective when combined with the sniff. See above.

Love: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.